Behind the scenes

“Man, they appear to be doing so well. What’s wrong with me?”

This is a pretty common thought to a lot of people.

You may see somebody in a bigger house than you have… then look at your own and wonder what went wrong. You may see somebody else with a nicer car and wonder why you’re driving around such an average vehicle. Or, let’s make this even more common…

You’re scrolling through Facebook and seeing pictures of people’s parties, their vacations, their fancy meals. They seem to be living the high life. What’s wrong with YOU?

It has actually been proven through experiment that such use of social media actually helps further depression. People are unhappier due to social media, in a lot of cases. On top of the comparisons, it doesn’t help one bit that social media is being used these days to divide people and stir them up. But, that’s another discussion…

But, if you’re the kind who makes a habit of comparing yourself to others, then you’re more likely to find unhappiness breeding in you when you are active on social media.

But, let’s bring this back into the world of online business…

When you want to make money online, one of the first things you often do is search the internet for how to make money online, or how to make money blogging. And you come across people who are talking about it. And often they talk about how much money they make.

Pat Flynn, from Smart Passive Income, publicly posts his monthly income reports. It is a popular feature of his site, and many others have done the same. I actually used to do the same thing, but have long since stopped. Why is that?

… because I believe it leads people into making comparisons between themselves and me, or themselves and Pat – or whoever.

You get inspired by the money, then the next move is to try to do what they have done instead of charting your own path. Instead of doing what you need to do, you’re instead left trying to copy somebody else. And if you don’t get the forward movement, it is pretty deflating.

Plus, income reports put the emphasis on the income and not what actually creates that income… which is delivering value to others.

Comparing yourself to others will almost naturally lead to an attitude of “lack”. Your attention and your focus is on what you DON’T have. And you will inevitably get more of what you focus on.

The ironic thing is that, most of the time, these comparisons are based on an outright LIE.

Many of us have this tendency to assume that everybody else has it all figured out, but we don’t. It is as if we’re wired to sit there and think badly about our own situation.

I went to a party with my wife to some friends of ours. And put bluntly, they have a nicer home than we do. To me, that’s not a big deal because it isn’t what’s most important. To my wife, it is a bigger deal. And the comparisons kick in. But, at that SAME party, the owner of that house straight-up told me she was jealous of us. Why? Because she sees how much we’re able to travel in our motorhome. So, my wife was a bit envious of her friend’s house, but her friend was envious of our freedom.

I thought that was just so interesting. Because, both ladies were concentrating on what they didn’t have, and it was being driven by a comparison.

I realized this a long time ago. Most of those people with the super-fly houses aren’t necessarily more successful. They just have a lot more debt. Almost all of those fancier cars out there are just a bigger auto loan. In other words, those outward facing hallmarks of success, judged by the objects they have in their possession, are not always hallmarks of success at all. In many cases, they’re nooses that keep them from living life on their own terms.

So, all this to say that…

You can use others for ideas and for knowledge, but the only person you should be comparing yourself to is yourself. Your past self.

Keep this in mind…

What you see online is the public face. You’re seeing their highlight reel.

Most people’s social media feeds, or blogs, are the equivalent of a movie’s teaser real. They’ll show the coolest scenes to make you want to see the movie, but then when you see the real thing it may not live up to the hype.

That perfect selfie never shows the ridiculous BS that person did to frame that shot to make you think everything is awesome. In reality, they’re sitting there in a crowd looking like an idiot sticking a selfie-stick in the air. As a person who travels a fair amount, I see a lot of young kids taking selfies and I just giggle every time I watch them try to reproduce some magazine glamour shot. It’s hilarious. 🙂

I’ll end with this…

Don’t make the mistake of comparing your behind the scenes to somebody else’s highlight reel.

Trust me, they have a behind the scenes, too.

– David