I was sitting there in the delivery room. My wife and I knew it would be soon, but I can’t say we expected to have to leave the house at 1AM and go to the hospital. We were waiting, but we knew it would happen soon. Anytime now. Just waiting…. waiting….
I sat there and tried to sleep in a really uncomfortable chair, cursing the hospital staff for not thinking of us soon-to-be daddys. Of course, my wife has a job on her hands, so I probably shouldn’t complain. My part was easy. The least I could do was just suck it up and try to enjoy my little six-pack of cheese crackers I got from the snack machine in the hall. I’ll just call it…. breakfast.
Later that morning, it happened. Pure magic. First she wasn’t there…. then she was. We heard that first cry and we both knew it had all changed. Everything changed. While I stared at my beautiful baby girl, I leaned down and kissed my wife. Neither my wife and I are the tearful type, but this event did it. We shared a few tears.
We had done it. We were parents now. Nothing would ever be the same.
The Return Home… And To Business
We returned home a couple days later. It was baby’s first car trip, and daddy’s first drive with said baby in the car. I was always that guy who saw the “baby on board” bumper sticker and snickered. But, now I understood.
But, we made it. We brought our baby girl into the house for the first time. We were alone. No nurses to help us, nobody to make us feel more relaxed when she cried. We made it through that first night, but not without adventure.
The next day, I sat back down in my office chair. And breathed. I knew this day would come, but now it was here.
I was a blogger. That’s what I did. And I’ve got a new baby girl who depends on it.
My blogs will pay for her diapers, her bottles, the hospital bill, the doctor visits – everything. I looked ahead at the next 18 years and, yep! Gotta pay for that, too.
I clearly remember the hospital registration lady asking me what I did for a living when we pre-registered. She listened, but she didn’t get it. I tried to explain it, but she’d never get it. But, she saw I was somehow able to pay that hospital bill.
Back in my office, I breathed. It is all on me now. I had been what some call a “problogger” for a few years now, but until now, I had nobody riding on it but myself. Now, I’ve got a daughter. She doesn’t know what a blog is. She just knows that things appear when she needs them. My job is to make it happen.
Having kids is an adventure. We see the days when she learns to crawl for the first time. We see the days when her wobbly little legs supported her while she stood, with the assistance of our coffee table, of course. We saw the days when she found new and creative ways to splash green bean goo all over her high chair. How they manage to make such a mess is beyond me.
Throughout it all, I stay steady on the balance beam of fatherhood. I have to be there for her, but I also have a business to run. It is the ultimate tug-of-war. She needs me, but she also needs the fruits of my labor. “Money doesn’t grow on trees!”…. I always heard that one, but now I know just how true it is.
My wife and I work our tails off for our new little girl. She stopped working to be a mom and that is a pretty tough job. It is mentally taxing and my wife sometimes gets a bit resentful with me that I have the liberty to wall myself up in my office and just…. work. Of course, I do love what I do, but it is also work. I try to make it all happen…. to be there for my family while also growing my business. But, it is tough at times.
My wife barely understands what I do for a living. She just knows somehow the bills get paid. She feels a little out-of-control not directly contributing to our family income. It does bother her, but this is just the stage we are in. For myself, I consider myself lucky to be able to be the sole bread winner while doing what I do.
I run a couple launches. I grow my business. In fact, my business has grown more in terms of revenue since the birth of my daughter than ever before that point. Perhaps it is sheer necessity level, but I’m making it work.
At the end of the day, however, I’m daddy. It is job #1. I’ll be there to hold her when she is ill, tuck her in bed at night, and try to have conversations with her on the phone when daddy has to be a few thousand miles away, wishing he were home.
My daughter, and now my handsome little son…. when I look into their eyes, I see the future. I see potential.
What will my business be like then? I have no idea. Will I still be blogging? Will blogging even really exist in the same way when my kids are older? I don’t know.
I’m a resourceful guy, though. I like to think I can keep up with what changes come my way. I figure if I provide value and help people using the Internet, things will work out. After all, this is business. The rules haven’t changed. When you provide value and people trust you, you’ll be rewarded.
So, I’ll keep blogging and I’ll keep loving it. And when that time comes that I need to make some adjustments to how I do things, I’ll do it.
When that day comes, when daddy is walking his beautiful little girl down the aisle, I’ll know I pulled it off. I’ll have accomplished something. Really, one of the few things that really matter.
I can imagine it now… having my dance with my daughter. Trying not to step on her toes. Trying to keep the tears back. I’ll remember the green beans all over her face, the huge mess of toys in the living room, the feeling I get when we just hang out and watch Spongebob. I’ll remember when she came and visited me in my office, played with my mouse trackball and looked for something entertaining on my computer screen. When she’d catch a glimpse of my blog on the monitor, point at my picture and say, “daddy!”.
Others may know me as “six figure blogger”, or whatever I might be known as in the future. But, to her, I’m just daddy and I always will be.
What is it like being a problogger and a daddy? It is an adventure with ups and downs. You look at blogging a little differently. It is a business. And I intend to do it well.
Because I’m daddy. That’s what I do. Just ask my little girl.